In November 2011, I was rounding a corner and *WHOOP* slipped on the freshly mopped floor. My armpit caught the edge of the counter and the force threw my arm up, over my head. I felt a rip and pain seared through my side. The first thing I notice after I hit the ground is that my shoulder is most definitely not in socket any more. I’m angry at myself for not being more careful and scared because it hurt really, really badly, but I got up and walked away. I later put my shoulder back into socket, which is worse than it coming out, let me tell you. And that night, I slept on the couch, in an upright position, with pillows on every side of me.
I didn’t go to the hospital or even the clinic right away. I thought – hoped – I would heal after a while, but I didn’t. Now, this was before I had any joint or bone issues, before I knew I had EDS, before I knew what the next 10 years had in store for me. I had no idea that this is going to be the start of a very long road of pain, dislocations, and illness. I hadn’t even realized how bad it really was days passed and my shoulder wasn’t getting better. Finally, I went to a walk-in clinic and got some x-rays. No break, a little swelling inside and out, redness, tenderness, and a whole lot of OUCH, but the doctor decided it was a simple dislocation. She gave me a bottle of Ibuprofen and a sling, then sent me on my way.
The clinic didn’t have an MRI machine and they didn’t feel there was a need for that anyway, plus I had no insurance at that time so there’s no way I could have afforded that back then, even if I wanted to. So, I searched the internet for self-care healing techniques and found Yoga. Through asana, I was able to regain use of my arm and get back to a semi-normal lifestyle. But, the pain never fully went away. I continued working and using it, even though I knew I should have rested and allowed it time to properly heal; until I could no longer stand to do so.
It hurt to type, it hurt to write, it hurt to reach or pull or push or just about anything and this is my dominant arm! It was subluxating and just sort of falling out of socket and I knew it was messed up. As soon as I had insurance again, I went to see an orthopedist and got an MRI. That’s when we discovered that I had a torn larum. To him, this was a little odd because I was young and hadn’t done something horrible to my arm, yet here it was with this awful injury. Of course, later we figured out that it was because of my EDS that I was able to so easily cause the injury and, over the years, it had led to the joint becoming unstable and too loose, allowing it to just kind of float around in the socket.
This first doctor wanted to do surgery, but he was retiring soon. He referred me to his colleague and, at that time, my other specialists were toying with the idea of me having Ehlers Danlos, so he treated me accordingly. He felt surgery was the right answer and explained that he was trim and reattach the labrum like in normal people, but extra tight for me. I would no longer be able to reach into a cupboard or lift over 5 pounds, I would be limited on just about everything else and Yoga would no longer be doable. At that point, I had made a career out of teaching others how to heal with asana and now he was taking that away from me. He was taking what normalcy I had left away from me. Or at least that’s how it felt back then. So, I said no.
Two years later, I’m back in his office with back pain. He finds that, at that point, I had scapular winging. Yay. He pushes for surgery again, but I’m still not ready. A few months later I ask to see him again to touch base about my upper back pain, but he instructs the receptionist to tell me he’s releasing me from care. That if I’m not willing to get surgery, he can’t help me. This type of poisonous behavior is one thing I can’t stand about medical professionals. I understand he was frustrated, but giving up on me simply because I don’t agree with his plan of action, isn’t the right thing to do. Because of that, I was happy to find someone else.
The next guy knew EDS pretty well and had been practicing medicine for over fifty years. He had actually done this procedure on an EDS patient before and steered me far away from it. This orthopedist said that not only was it not a successful surgery, but that it could cause further issues. Because of out poor healing and lax joints, the anchors (where the basically staple the labrum down) can tear out and tear muscles, ligaments, etc. I’m officially terrified and prepared to live the rest of my life without full use of my shoulder and this continuing pain.
Fast forward to today. My shoulder still gives me a ton of grief. The more time that goes by, the worse it gets. To the point that it is not pulling on muscles in my back and causing me a great deal of upper back pain. My shoulder blade never lays flat. My shoulder always hurts. I can’t reach above my head or push/pull things. Pretty much in the same way as I would have been living if I had just gotten the surgery years ago. Only, there’s no guarantee that procedure ever would have worked or if it would have made more problems for me. I do not regret not getting it then, but I’m going to be honest: I’m reconsidering getting it now. 4 years ago, I had to give up my career as a Yoga instructor. I can no longer practice asana as all. Now, along with all of my other issues, I can no longer do many things and it is both mentally and physically exhausting. I want to get back to living. I know I can never be like I was at 21, but just to get back to when I could use my arm and walk through a store without issue would be a huge win for me
But this isn’t about that. It’s about my shoulder. So, here are my symptoms as of today:
Pain inside the joint and behind the shoulder blade
Subluxating and dislocating joint
Scapular winging
Constant need to “pop” my shoulder
Limited ability using my arm for most things including driving, typing, cooking, clean, etc.
Upper back and right rib pain
Weakness and occasional tingling in arm
So, if you’re having similar issues, SEE A DOCTOR and talk to someone who knows and understands Ehlers Danlos if you have that, as well. It’s totally up to you whether or not to get something like this repaired, and I don’t judge either way. For me, not getting the procedure back then still feels like the right decision today. Now, however, I’m more open to the idea. I don’t want things to continue getting worse, to the point that I won’t have use of my arm at all. We’ll see. I’ll keep you all in the loop. For now, I’m signing off! Love y’all!
Far From Perfect 